


replay, repeat.

by indemnis



Series: B.A.P Bingo Challenge [1]
Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 13:31:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4139433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indemnis/pseuds/indemnis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Himchan cheats Time with his time-travelling soul and he gets a second chance just before Time hits the brakes for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	replay, repeat.

**Author's Note:**

> An extra for the B.A.P Bingo Challenge square: Magically De-aged

Himchan knows there are consequences to everything, especially when your soul is prone to jumping into your own body at different times of your life.

He knows better than to interfere with the workings of time and on retrospect, perhaps it had been a gift, just like his best friend Yongguk told him it was meant to be.

His time-travelling soul works in the most peculiar manner. He exists concurrently in various dimensions of time, but his soul does a leap to say, his self back in year 2000 – a good fifteen years ago.

The body in the normal proceeding of time then goes into auto-pilot mode; he is capable of doing things, but only subconsciously, at least until his soul returns from its adventure in the time fifteen years back. The soul in that body that belongs in the past is shoved unkindly into the deeper recesses of Himchan's mind, like an aggressive old lady pushing her way into a packed bus and plopping into a rare seat.

He has been caught in various awkward situations, for example going back into Himchan Year 2014, Christmas Day, where he was busy giving his 'Christmas gift' to his favourite boy. Daehyun had asked for spanking – something that Himchan had refused fiercely to give it to him, but it was Christmas – Himchan said okay.

Daehyun was someone Himchan had wanted erased from his life. He brought him a good deal of happiness and excitement, but he was also poison.

He dealt with the wrong crowd all the time and allowed people to push him around, be a good fuck if he was paid right. Daehyun was all he wanted in a fuck buddy, but never a lover. He assumed he could change Daehyun if he tried, but just like how he disliked people pointing fingers at his decisions, it never really dawned upon him that Daehyun liked none of that too.

The relationship ended like a vile drug pushed down his throat, the exact same way it started. Himchan was not sorry it ended. Daehyun had worn him down and threw him out, and if he hadn't pushed Daehyun away, he would have fallen in with him.

But Daehyun is like an abandoned bottle washing up, continuously, by the waves of his memory. In Christmas 2014, Daehyun is writhing in his hold, begging to be held, pleading to be spanked. Himchan remembers the sentiment of regret two hours after Daehyun had fallen asleep in his arms with tears streaked over his cheeks, his bottom glowing and swelling red.

But interfering with the workings of time is unwise. Well, not to say, impossible. He couldn't have just stopped there at that very moment, with Himchan 2015 in Himchan 2014's body and say "no, let's not do this, I will regret this in three hours, seven minutes and forty-five seconds".

He had actually revelled in that moment, where the right palm smacked against his young tight skin that springs, and the power had overcome him in an instant.

So he had groaned, when 2015 Himchan realised that Daehyun was laid across his lap, saliva running down his chin and he was croaking, begging. Himchan couldn't help but think this was screwed up, but he had to repeat his actions, despite knowing what would come out of them, while his 2014 self who had thoroughly enjoyed himself, could only be a pathetic spectator in all of this odd exhilaration.

He couldn't have been gladder when his soul decided to jump back into normal time, where Yongguk just gave him a strange look and pointed at his erection. "That was it again, huh? What kind of dirty things were you doing?"

Himchan is not embarrassed before Yongguk. He's the only person who holds his secret, and he intends for it to continue being that way. Yongguk is too intelligent to not tell when Himchan is on auto-pilot mode – because Himchan's subconscious is essentially an oddball, and it's not like he can train his subconscious to be slightly more normal. Subconscious Himchan does strange murmurs and answers "apples" when people ask "how was your day".

It's really not as bad as just staring into blank space and experiencing a literal soul out-of-body experience, so Himchan counts his blessings.

Yongguk is still staring, a little in disbelief at Himchan's boner, and the time-traveller just shrugs. "What were you doing?" Yongguk is never going to give this up.

Himchan sighs. "Quite literally, my ex-boyfriend."

"Daehyun?"

Himchan nods.

"I thought you said he was a dickface? And even if you were the one who initiated the breakup you cried forever? I thought you were going to drown South Korea or something."

Himchan turns red. "Well. He was – is – still a dickface. But he has both a pretty dick and a pretty face."

"Unbelievable."

"Jesus, Yongguk, some people are downright shitfucks but that doesn't make them any less hot than they are."

Yongguk turns silent because sometimes he is too decent for talks like these. They are quiet. “Do you ever leap into the future?” Yongguk asks, because he is curious, and Himchan looks like he’s way too abashed to not appreciate a change in topic.

He guesses right. Himchan breathes in relief, thankful for the distraction and tries to nurse his boner. How, he’s not sure. Images of old wrinkly naked men help, but by just a little.

Himchan shrugs. “I haven’t tried before. But I can’t say it’s impossible.”

“Is it irritating, doing that all the time? What does it feel like?”

“You know like after you finish a marathon and your bones feel like they might fall apart? That’s essentially what happens. You feel like your very insides are coming off their joints and you’re dissolving into a pile of flesh.”

“Yucks.”

“You asked.”

Yongguk hesitates a little on the next question. Himchan feels the pause, but he doesn’t comment on it. They are comfortable, Himchan lying on his back, jabbing at his Gameboy, Yongguk on his stomach, flipping a magazine absentmindedly.

They may be both in their early twenties, but Yongguk is socially awkward if there isn’t any alcohol to diffuse the tension, and Himchan’s time travels are happening more frequently lately and he would hate to be a complete freak at a party.

So they hang out at home; Himchan is free to make his voyages, Yongguk is happy with just the silence. Moreover, Subconscious Himchan is a lot of fun to talk to and never keeps secrets.

“If there’s something you could have changed – I know you can’t, I’m just presuming that you can – what would you have changed?”

Himchan ponders over the question a little too seriously for the situation, and Yongguk doesn’t know why he’s at the end of his seat. He’s waiting for something and he is anticipating a certain response. He’s not sure what or why.

“Probably not went into a relationship with Daehyun.”

Yongguk cannot understand the ambivalence simmering within him, but he is silent. Himchan takes the cue to elaborate. “He was a good lesson. I didn’t know how someone’s company could get so toxic, so I guess if I hadn’t met him I wouldn’t have known that there are people out there capable of bringing you down with their loads. It wasn’t that he had many other problems; he _was_ the problem.”

“Then why?” Yongguk doesn’t know if he wants to know.

“I don’t love the same way I used to. He’s a memory from a year ago and if this were me a while ago I would have picked myself up the exact same way and fell in love quickly. But Daehyun has pricked me with his poison and I’m addicted to damaging, dangerous and malicious relationships like the one I had had with him. I think I’m different, Yongguk. I don’t know if I like this difference.”

Yongguk doesn’t know what to say, only that he’s sorry, maybe, that he had had to meet Daehyun.

“Say, Himchan, if I were to be dying in this moment and maybe Himchan from 2020 came back, would you have tried to save me?”

Himchan looks at him with amusement on his face and he tries not to laugh. “That's a stupid question.”

“Just answer me.”

Himchan’s expression changes and he looks a little too solemn for such casual talk. “I would try to save you in any way I could, Yongguk. Even if I couldn’t time travel, I would do anything I can to make sure you’re here.”

Yongguk finally breathes. It’s okay. He never wants to be his regret, anyway, he just wants to be the one he’ll make an effort to make stay around.

*****

It is 2021. Himchan is alone, in his car, hands trembling on the steering wheel. He is a coward, through and through. All the painful things in his memory have always cast their shadows on his future and he could never run from them. He was afraid, like he had always been.

His foot presses against the accelerator and his heart is in his mouth. He never knew this was how he got to control which scene he wanted to return to. The engine revs and Himchan feels his bones pulling away, and in a moment he is back in Year 2016 and Yongguk is in his car and the tyres are punctured and they’re skidding across the road and Himchan is screaming.

He mirrors the fear in Yongguk’s eyes; he has returned to this very moment for so many times and not once has he managed to stop himself from screaming, even if he knows what is in store. Yongguk’s eyes become wide and he leans over to shield Himchan with his frame, shrapnel cutting into his flesh, his entire body being thrown against the windscreen, the back of his thrown and concussed against the car ceiling, his neck being lodged in an edge, broken in an instant.

That’s what’s in store and Himchan never brings himself to look at it, ever. He is now thirty-one year old Himchan in the body of twenty-six year old Himchan and he has revised this exact scene for numerous times in the past five years, begging for something to change and never daring to take a look at Yongguk who had sacrificed his life for him.

He does not feel young. He has the body of a youth and yet his heart is old and tired from all the horrible things that have gone on in his life.

Yongguk is probably soaked with blood from top to toe and this minute is normally the time he zaps back to normal time, his cheeks streaked with tears. He sobs in his hands and he heaves, the weight of his memories taxing on his older body.

He realises he’s off auto-pilot now and the car is still flying across the expressway. He wonders what the point of this time travelling is if he doesn’t get to extricate himself or the people he loves from difficult situations.

He should have died on that day. Maybe Yongguk would have died along with him.

But he is not meant to be alive. Not then, not today. As the car races past and he pulls his foot away from the brake and his hands away from the wheel, he breathes.

Flesh is flesh and bone is bone. Himchan barely feels the impact of the car against the lamp post before he feels himself pulling away.

*****

“Apples?” There Yongguk is, wearing his uniform, hair combed to a side and his eyes are filled with complete bewilderment.

“What?”

“That should be my question. I just asked you for your name and you said apples and I – woah!” Yongguk staggers backwards when Himchan throws himself onto him and starts breaking down into tears and mumbles something about him being alive. Yongguk is startled; today is the first day of high school and he has just met this blonde guy – what is his problem?

“You’re alive, you _fucking_ shit!” Himchan worries while he cries out in joy because he might just zap back into normal time in 2021, where he’s already dead.

“You obviously have issues, bro,” Yongguk is already wedging his way away from the weirdo, but Himchan tags along, laughing despite his tears, and he decides that will be a problem for later.

For now, Yongguk is here and Himchan is thirty-one years old inside, even if he’s only sixteen years old on the outside. Who cares if Yongguk is really going to be gone in 2016? He has another decade to go. Himchan is contented.

He doesn’t know if he will let Yongguk know, one day, that he’s going to die in ten years, really young, in a car accident, in an attempt to protect him, and then Himchan himself dies five years later.

What is the motive of telling Yongguk that? Are things not already set in stone? What would happen if Yongguk knew? Would he be able to take back whatever he did? Would the road be less slippery? Would he take more care? Would neither of them end up dead? Would they be happy?

Would he still meet Daehyun along the way? Or would he stick with Yongguk, after realising that Yongguk is the right person, always too late, after he had left his side for good?

There are so many questions, but at least Himchan knows there cannot be any more major consequences, because as far as he knows, both he and Yongguk are dead and there cannot be anything worse than that.

Maybe this time he will experiment and attempt to tweak and bluff Time for as long as he can. For the first time, he understands what Yongguk means when he had said that this ability was a gift.

As Himchan clings onto the ‘stranger’, he thanks all the stars for bestowing this _disorder_ upon him. A second chance, huh? Himchan wants to make sure that thirty-one year-old Himchan is capable of making wise decisions that doesn’t make him waste his second go at whatever he could have turned out as with Yongguk.

Maybe he gets to live forever like that, thirty times into this cycle. Maybe one day he might get tired. Today, Himchan looks and feels young. Yongguk is throwing him a dirty look, but he is the happiest person on Earth.

**Author's Note:**

> It is a little confusing and a little awry from the 'magically de-aged' prompt, but thankfully I'm just doing this as an extra, haha.
> 
> Himchan operates in normal time with an active soul A, which returns into Time into his own body and the active soul in the past B is now pushed aside for A to take control instead. More or less, Himchan is unable to return to Year 2021 to his dead body, since the dead's souls leave their bodies and it is impossible to find it back. As Himchan (who has his second chance at life) goes along his life, he goes through time-travelling moments, where active soul A replaces soul C, which is the soul of the past (the zapping back into the past) of the past (the past as in the situation he is in, i.e. Year 2006, where he and Yongguk are 16 and have just met), if you get what I mean. It is confusing and a little different from what you expected, probably, sorry about that.  
> This was inspired by The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger.  
> Thank you for reading <3


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